NARRATOR: In the glorious annals of the United States Navy have been many unsung heroes. Among them, John Paul Steckler I, who, in the face of the British, uttered the immortal words, “Follow me, men!” Follow me, men! (THUNDER RUMBLING) NARRATOR: Fortunately, no one followed.
In the most famous naval engagement of the Civil War, another Steckler came to the fore. It was John Paul Steckler IV, aboard the ironclad monitor, who first saw the Merrimac approaching through the darkness.
Someone had to bring this news to the captain immediately. (INAUDIBLE) (CLUNK) (BELL RINGING) Someone did… But not Steckler. For years, there were no Stecklers in uniform, and everything went pleasantly for the navy.
Then, John Paul Steckler VII came along… And wow! MANDEVILLE: Admiral Bludde, you’re quite certain this officer was last in command of the USS Kornblatt? No doubt about it, Sir.
A young fellow name Stickler. Uh, Steckler, Sir. Uh, Steckler. Now, Congressmen, getting back to our appropriations for the coming fiscal… In a moment, Admiral. And did this Steckler sign out for the Kornblatt at the end of the war? Yes, Sir.
Now, about our budget… A 1,700-ton, 306 foot destroyer escort missing? Well, if he signed out for it, where is it? Where? Oh, let’s see, uh… I’ll tell you where it is! It’s missing! Gone! Vanished from the face of the earth! Well, I’ll sure we’ll locate it, Sir.
(CHUCKLING) You don’t just lose a destroyer escort. Admiral, I don’t have to tell you that if this is a sample of naval housekeeping, it may have considerable effect on the forthcoming appropriations bill.
Will 10 days be sufficient to find out? Oh, plenty, Sir, plenty. We’ll get right on it, Sir. Good. Meeting adjourned. (ALL MURMURING INDISTINCTLY) We’re in trouble. If we don’t find the Kornblatt, that.
.. (SIGHS) Where’s this officer stationed? Fourth naval district, Akron. Get him here right away. And don’t tell anyone what it’s all about. Aye, aye, Sir. Look at that face, Joe. Behind those soft baby eyes, that friendly smile, there could lurk the cunning brain of a master criminal.
Oh, just wait till I get my hands on… The happiest man in the world today. Poochie-pie! Sweetie-face! To us! (CHUCKLING) Mr. Steckler is a lieutenant in the navy. Really very nice. My daughter couldn’t have done better.
Our first wedding cake. (CHUCKLES) For Judge Whipple, poochie. Yes, darling, for Judge Poochie-Whipple. Isn’t this fun? Someday, you’ll get married, too. I hope it’s someone like you, Admiral Steckler.
Admiral? The child called… A lovely wedding, a lovely wedding. And Prudence is a beautiful bride, just beautiful. Well! (ALL LAUGHING) Uh, um… Shall we sneak out now, ducky-poo? I think this would be a perfect time.
Plus the fact, I can’t wait till we’re alone, sweetheart. Just think. Two weeks alone at Lake Winnapawahwah. Mmm! Fishing, canoeing, rowing… And everything. Yeah, everything. Come on. John… Mother! John, take care of my little girl.
I will, Mother. I’ll take care of her. Just like her father took care of you. That monster! Don’t mention his name! I’m sorry. Goodbye, Mother. Why, when I think… Bye, Mother! Goodbye, Mother. Have a happy honeymoon, darlings! Happy honeymoon! CAPTAIN: Draw swords! Return swords! Whoa! (PEOPLE LAUGHING) (ALL SAYING GOODBYE) (SIREN WAILING DISTANTLY) (TIRES SCREECHING) OFFICER: That’s our man.
Follow him! Lieutenant Steckler? Yes, Sir, the seventh. I’m Lieutenant Commander Farber. I hate to do this to you, old man, but you’re wanted in Washington immediately. What? Red phone call, special orders, deliver you no later than 1500 today.
But you can’t! We’re just leaving on our honeymoon! Wait, sweetheart, let me explain. I don’t think you understand, Commander. You see, we were just married. We’re going on our honeymoon. I’m on leave! It’s been canceled.
Who canceled it? Admiral Bludde. Admiral Bludde. His plane is waiting for you at the airport. But we’ve got the honeymoon cottage at lake Winnapawahwah for two weeks. Wait, wait, sweetheart, Prudence, please, dear.
(STAMMERING) Let me handle this. Commander, what would the Admiral want with me? I don’t know, but here are your orders. It is the Admiral. What does he want? Well, it doesn’t say, but that’s his signature.
Gee, my old Commander, the top destroyer man… Lieutenant, I hate to rush you… Yeah, well… Bludde or no Bludde, and admiral or no… Although, it might be a decoration. You know, there was that skirmish a couple.
.. Can’t he mail it to you? Well, no, dear. If I’m gonna get a medal, I think the least we can do is go to Washington and pick it up. A medal! My hero! Now we can have our honeymoon in Washington, just like George and Martha.
(HORNS HONKING) Lieutenant. (HORNS BLARING) Mission accomplished, Sir. Lieutenant John Paul Steckler? The seventh. This way, please. (OFFICERS MURMURING INDISTINCTLY) (CLEARS THROAT) Uh, Lieutenant John Paul Steckler VII reporting as ordered, Sir.
So you’re the man. I… I guess so, Sir. Amazing. Hmm. How did you do it? Oh, it was nothing. Nothing? Well, what I mean to say, Sir… Tell us, son, did you do this on your own? Or were there others? Well, Sir, uh.
.. Is anyone ever really on their own? I mean, what I’m trying to say, Sir, is doesn’t everything always depend on the men you serve with, their cooperation, their loyalty? (LOW) See what I told you, Joe.
Nerves of steel. JOE: We’re lucky there’s only one missing. So, you admit you had help? Oh, yes, Sir. In everything I did, Sir. (CHUCKLES) After all, I had a shining inspiration. I served under Admiral Bludde.
Are you trying to pin this on me? Oh, no, Sir! I thought you were gonna pin it on me. As a matter of fact, I wish you would, because my wife is… Excuse me, Sir… Are you mad at me? Mad at you? Why, nonsense.
(CHUCKLING) (CHUCKLES POLITELY) All I want is a full confession! Confession? Sir, as representative of the Judge Advocate General, I request Lieutenant Steckler be formally advised of the charges against him.
The charge… (STAMMERING) Did he say charges? Certainly. Why do you think you were called? To receive a medal? Well, very honestly, Sir, I did think I would… Maybe a little one. I’ve never seen anyone like him.
Go ahead, Commander. Read the charges. Lieutenant John Paul Steckler? The seventh, Sir. Lieutenant John Paul Steckler VII? Well, my brother was supposed to be the seventh, but he turned out to be my sister.
(CHUCKLES) See, they were expecting a boy… Read the charges! Lieutenant, during World War II, some government property charged out to you, and for which you’re therefore responsible, was not turned in.
It’s still missing. Well, just a minute, Commander, Sir. I never took anything in my… What’s the matter, Lieutenant? Nothing. Nothing, Sir. It’s just that I… I never thought it’d be missed. Everyone was taking souvenirs.
(ALL MURMURING) Weren’t they? But wouldn’t you say you went just a little too far, Lieutenant? No, I don’t think so, Sir. I mean, it wasn’t important stuff. Well, it was my compass, sextant… And patented spam opener.
Wasn’t there something else, Lieutenant? All right. I’m not gonna lie. (ALL MURMURING) I’m guilty, and I think that the best thing for me to do is just pay up and get this thing over with. So, if you’ll tell me how much it is, I’ll.
.. I’ll pay. Tell him, Commander. The total amount comes to… $5,415,925. (STAMMERING) I think he’s trying to ask you something. (HOARSELY) What did I take? One fully-equipped, seaworthy and battle-ready, destroyer escort.
Oh, come now, son. Your government doesn’t want to be tough on you. So just tell us, what did you do with the USS Kornblatt? (HOARSE WHISPER) I didn’t take it. I didn’t take her. I haven’t got her.
Honest. Pinky swear. Scout’s honor. Word of honor. I haven’t got her. I didn’t take her. Honest. Frisk me! (OFFICERS MURMURING) (HEART BEATING RAPIDLY) (SCREAMS) Five million dollars. How can I ever pay five million dollars? Even if they took $30 a month, it would take 950,000 months.
$30 into 950,000… Oh, I forgot to carry the one. Five million into 30… Even if they start with this month, the $30, I don’t think I have enough. It’s $29 for the bus tickets. Let me see how much, maybe.
.. Five million. I got… Hear that? He thinks he’s got five million dollars in small change. Yeah, the old insanity gimmick. Well, he’s not gonna get away with it. Shall we question him again, Sir? Lieutenant Steckler.
The seventh. Oh… Yes, Sir? I must confess that until this moment I thought you might have snatched the Kornblatt. That behind a facade of innocence was the shrewd, calculating brain of a crook, or a master spy in the pay of some foreign.
.. Oh, just a minute, Sir. If you don’t mind, Sir. I am… I am not a spy. I mean, I’ve goofed and all that, but I am not a traitor. I mean, the navy is my whole life. Before I was in the navy, I was just John Paul Steckler, the meatball.
But now, (FIRMLY) Lieutenant John Paul Steckler, (WEAKLY) the meatball. Now, Steckler, I’m beginning to feel sorry for you. Thank you. I’ve seen enough scared young men to know that you’re another. But you’re in a whale of a lot of trouble.
Yes, Sir. Nobody really wants to kick you out of the navy, throw you in jail, see you wind up in disgrace. But the last name the Kornblatt was checked out to was Ensign John Paul Steckler. And we’ve got to pin it on somebody.
Sir? How about him, Sir? Steckler! Give up the ship! I haven’t got her, Sir. Well, then find her! Yes, Sir! You’ve got 10 days. Yes, Sir. And you’d better come back with something! Yes, Sir. Commander? Yes, Sir.
Get the duplicate records of all ships turned in, pacific fleet, 1945 to date. All of them? Yes, Sir! Steckler, I want you to spend the next 12 hours sifting through those records. We’ve got to find the Kornblatt, and we’re starting tonight.
Tonight? But I had plans tonight… Cancel all plans! Yes, Sir! If we don’t come up with the Kornblatt inside of 10 days, the navy stands to lose four billion dollars in appropriations. (PHONE RINGS) This is vital, Steckler.
As America’s first line of defense, I… Who’s Ducky-poo? Hello? Everything comfy cozy, dear? Ducky-poo, I’ve been waiting three hours. And I can’t wait to see you, sweetie-face. (CLEARS THROAT) I don’t speak to everyone that way, Sir.
I hope you don’t think so. Just my wife. Hang up that phone! (STAMMERING) I’m, uh… I’m gonna have to hang up now, dear. Tell me you wuv me. Wuv you, wuv you, wuv you, wuv you. Hang up! Yes, Sir! Wuv you.
The records, Sir. Good. Thank you. Steckler, get at those right away. Yes, Sir. I will, Sir. Oh, I’m sorry, Sir. Ow! Oh, excuse me. I’m very sorry, Sir. My cap, Sir? (STRAINING) Thank you. Thank you, Sir.
And be back here at 0900 tomorrow morning. Yes, Sir! 0900 tomorrow morning, Sir. Tough break, Sir, having this happen right in the middle of his honeymoon. Honeymoon? He was married this morning, Sir.
Oh, no, the honeymoon’ll have to wait. See that he’s checked into Bachelor Officers’ Quarters for the night. I’ll arrange it, Sir. All right, gentlemen, that’s all. Will there be anything else? Oh, you’d better bring another bottle of champagne.
Pink. Pink. Yes, Madam. (DOOR BELL BUZZES) Oh! Did you miss me, honey? Yes. Oh, darn it. What in the world? Now I got the San Diego DE’s all mixed up with the Bremerton CEV’s. What are these, ducky-poo? Oh, Admiral Bludde gave ’em to me.
Instead of a medal? There is no medal. No medal? No, and there’s no Kornblatt, either. What’s a Kornblatt? Honey, don’t you remember I used to tell you… About during the war, I… I commanded the USS Kornblatt? Well, that’s a Kornblatt, and it’s missing and they said I took it.
You? Well, what would you do with a battleship? What would anybody do with a battleship? No, honey, she’s not a battleship. It’s a destroyer escort, you see, and… And although I didn’t take it, I’m responsible for it.
Well, let’s not worry about a silly old boat. Not tonight, anyway. Nope. Not tonight. (IMITATES BOAT HORN) Honey, should I wear the white pajamas with the black stripes, or the black pajamas with the white stripes? Oh, either one, sweetie.
All right. I’ll mix ’em up. Who needs Lake Winnapawahwah? Any place is heaven when you’re with your poochie-pie. Prudence… You’re absolutely beautiful. It’s about time you noticed. Well, I noticed right from the start, sweetheart.
I just didn’t want you to think that I was stuck on you. (BOTH CHUCKLE) Oh, champagne… Caviar… Pheasant under glass. Oh, is this a way to spend a wedding night? (FORCED CHUCKLE) Wait till you see the dessert.
Dessert? Where? It’s not over there, Lieutenant. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) (CLEARS THROAT) (CHUCKLES) I love you, Prudence. Oh, I love you, darling. (SIGHS) But I’m in big trouble. You are if you turn that light on again, my itsy-bitsy baby.
Well, now to worksie-worksie. Worksie-worksie? Yes, sweetheart, I promised the Admiral that I’d go through these records. On our honeymoon? Well, I’m going to help you. It’s a wife’s duty. Yes, you help, dear.
Now, let’s see. I might… I might as well start back in 1945. Oh, here’s… Here’s something very interesting. 106,210 tons of ships in dry-dock… Oh, you have the cutest little ears. (CHUCKLES) Years in dry.
.. Darling, I can’t concentrate. Now… Honey, I’ve got work to do. Oh, you certainly have. Let me explain, dear. You see, there’s this Congressman Mandeville. Now… Now, he’s the head of the house Appropriations Committee.
Oh, you say the sweetest things. Well… The navy needs money for new ships, see, and he’s looking for an excuse to turn them down. Now, the Korn… Blatt… Now if the navy can’t keep track of the ships that it has, then he’s not gonna let Congress give the navy any more money to buy new ships.
And that’s why Admiral Bludde is out to drink mine. You are in trouble. Yeah, very big trouble. That’s why I feel so bad bringing you all the way to Washington thinking I was gonna get a medal. (CHUCKLES) The night’s young yet.
Maybe you still will. I love you, Prudence. I love you, darling. (DOOR BELL BUZZES) What’s that? I didn’t hear anything. Oh, it’s the champagne. I can hear it fizz. It’s the waiter with more champagne.
More champagne. More champagne. I hope it’s pink champagne. It is! Goody, goody, goody. What’d he say? Goody, goody, goody. Lieutenant Steckler? The seventh, but this room is occupied. Here, you men. Just a minute.
You’re out of bounds. Orders from the Admiral, sir. Got a staff car waiting. You’re to come with us. Come with you? Wait just a minute, darling. I’ll take care of this. I don’t think you understand, gentlemen.
You see, we were just married this morning. Lots of luck. Thank you. Sir, now if you’ll get ready, sir, we’ll drop you off at BOQ. BOQ? Bachelor Officers’ Quarters, ma’am. Is this all the navy has to do? Run around breaking up honeymoons? Why aren’t you men out sailing ships? Darling, please, I’m sorry, but they’re just following orders.
That’s all. But you’re not a bachelor. Tell ’em. Well, technically, I am. I…no… I’m not a bachelor. There, I told ’em. Sorry, Mrs. Steckler. Orders are orders. And you wasted all this time talking! Well, honey.
.. I mean, no. She’s honey. Well, sweethea… Sweet… I’ll tell sweet… Would you wait? I’m… Honey, just a min… Excuse me, men, for a… I just… Dear. Let me explain, dear. Is it my fault that the Kornblatt is missing? We’ve got to snap it up, sir.
And on the double! Yes, ho! Here we go. Honey, really, please. Bear with me, dear. This is a pr… Thank you very much. Dear, please, honey. I’m awfully sorry, but this is not my fault. These are orders, dear.
Oh, honey. Oh, don’t feel bad, sweetheart. Because this is just something that has to be. You just relax, and I’ll call you at eight bells. Keep it on ice. I’m stumped, Steckler. I don’t really believe you could lose a ship like the Kornblatt, because I don’t believe you would ever be put in command of the Kornblatt.
But if you were, then you could. Oh, I was, but I didn’t. You didn’t what? I mean, I didn’t, Sir. Well, we’re not giving up. Report to the Office of Naval Intelligence immediately. I’ve assigned one of their best young officers to help you out.
Yes, Sir. Ensign Benson. Yes. Crackerjack mind. Smart as a whip. Remember, Steckler, we have only 9 days. No more. All right? Now batten down the hatches. Full speed ahead! Batten down the hatches. Full speed ahead.
Yes, Sir. Um… Oh, excuse me, Sir. May I make a call? I promised the little woman I’d… (YELLS) Shove off! Yes, Si… (DOOR CLOSES) How? How did we ever win? (SCOFFS) (TYPEWRITER KEYS CLACKING) JOHN: “Top secret area.
” (WHISTLING) Well? What is it? Who are you? (MOUTHING) John Paul Steckler VII. Come, come, man. Speak up. (LOUDLY) Lieutenant Steckler… (LOW) I told you it was a secret. The Ensign is expecting you.
This way. (THUDDING) How do you do, Lieutenant? (STAMMERING) Ensign Benson? That’s right. Uh, Lieutenant John Paul Stellman! (STAMMERING) Paul John Stellet! Paul… Paul Stelfer. Steckler! Steckler, that’s it.
Harry Steckler. No! Sit down, Lieutenant. Please, make yourself comfortable. (SIGHS) Thank you. They let you keep secrets? Of course. Why? Oh… Oh, nothing. It’s… It’s just that you look like a girl that has nothing to hide.
Hmm? No, what I mean to say is that if the Kornblatt were built anything like you, they’d have never lost it. (CHUCKLES) Oh, uh, no. What I’m trying to say is I don’t know what they’re putting together over there in Russia, but whatever it is, we’re way ahead of them.
(LAUGHING) (GROANS) Lieutenant, I know you’re the victim of one of the biggest boo-boos in the history of the US Navy. Yeah, I am. I’ve looked over your record, and it’s spotless. You’ve always had the utmost concern for government property.
Well… Well, I always did try my best, except maybe just that one time, when I painted my seabag all red and cut the two holes in the bottom for my feet. Your feet? Well, it was a Halloween party. You see, I went as a skinless frankfurter.
As a sk… (SIGHS) I see. (CLEARS THROAT) Lieutenant… I won first prize. How nice. It was a case of skinless frankfurters. That was a coincidence. I was very lucky. Uh, now, Lieutenant, let’s review the facts.
Anything! We’re going to be working pretty closely together, and I… That… That’s all well and good, Ensign. It’s very nice, and I might like that, but I’m married. I know! What I meant was… How is Prudence? Who? Prudence, your wife.
Oh, oh, the one I’m married… Oh, Prudence. She’s fine. Thank you. Well, what I started to say was, we’ll be working pretty closely together, and I thought perhaps we might dispense with the usual formalities.
Thank you very much, Ensign. That’s a very good idea. You can relax that way. You can call me John, and I can call you… Ensign Benson? Rita. Rita. Oh, that’s nice. I once had a parrot I called Rita.
It hated me. Its real name was Frank. (GUFFAWS) Frank! (CLEARS THROAT) Uh, say, um, Ensign, it’s strange, but how do you know so much about my wife Prudence and myself? Oh, I know lots of things about you, John.
Practically everything. Everything except what happened to the Kornblatt. Why don’t you fill me in? Can we talk? Yes. Rita, if I knew anything, wouldn’t you be the first to tell me? Well, since you put it that way, well, we’ll see.
Now if you just come with me, Lieutenant, we can get started. Where we going? Operation Snaggle. (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) There now. Do you like waltzes? Oh, yes. I love ’em, but I’m too upset to dance. This is therapy, John.
Just to soothe you, get you relaxed. Uh-huh. Comfortable? Yes, very. You can take your shoes off, if you like. Oh, thank you. (CHUCKLES) I won’t be as tall, though. I just want you to be completely relaxed.
Now stretch out. Anything you say. Not on the floor, John. In the chair. Oh, in the chair. I’m sorry. Thank you. You’re very kind. Hey, this is peaceful. I’ve never been this comfortable before. Relax, John.
Yes. Relax. (MOTOR HUMMING) How’s that? Oh, yummy. (CHUCKLES) Now, I want you to tell me everything you can remember about the Kornblatt. Everything. (LAUGHING) Now concentrate, John. Yeah. Go back.
Back. Far, far back. Far, far back. Yeah, I’m going back. Back, back, back. Far, far, far back. What ship are you on? I’m on the good… Ship… Yes? Lollipop. I’m in a bathtub. (MIMICKING MOTOR) Mommy! Mommy, my boat went down the dwain! My boat went down the dwain, Mom.
.. Not that far back. Far back. Concentrate on the Kornblatt, the USS Kornblatt. JOHN: Concentrate. I’ll concentrate. It’s coming back to me now. Yeah, I can see her.
The Kornblatt gliding through the blue Pacific, trim and beautiful, bulging in just the right places. No wonder she was known to us aboard as the pin-up girl of the fleet, the USS Marilyn Kornblatt.
It was VJ Day, end of the war in the Pacific. (MEN CHEERING) Captain! Captain! Cap… Captain! Captain, orders! Orders! Captain! Who’s he? You remember, Sir. Ensign Steckler. Came aboard about a month ago.
You said to put him to work in the engine room. Oh, yes. Which he nearly blew up. Oh, yes! So now he’s helping out in the communications shack. What do you got there, mister? A message from Cincpac, Sir.
Well, read it. Uh, yes, Sir. Uh… “Tiddly-boo, tiddly-bang, “clippity-clop chap-clang. Poughkeepsie.” Not in code! Let me read that. Now hear this, men. We’re to proceed to Pearl Harbor where all officers and men with enough points will be flown to the mainland for immediate discharge.
(ALL CHEERING) At ease. (SCREAMING) Now what did you do that for? Uh… (OFFICERS CONTINUE CHEERING) (MEN YELLING) JOHN: We finally put in at Pearl Harbor and lined up for final inspection.
As we stood there, everyone had only one thought in mind… H-o-m-e. Girls. Now hear this. Men, I’m proud to have served with every one of you. I’d like to shake every man’s hand, but that would only be wasting precious time.
All reservists with enough points for discharge, take off! And that’s an order! (ALL CHEERING) Well, I go where my men go. Congratulations, Bill. As the new Commanding Officer, the USS Kornblatt is all yours.
Joe, congratulations on your new job. JOHN: Who was going to sail the Kornblatt to the mainland? The Commander handed over the ship to the Lieutenant Commander.
The Lieutenant Commander passed her along to the Lieutenant. The Lieutenant turned her over to the Lieutenant JG. The Lieutenant JG. Passed her on to Ensign Roberts and Roberts gave her to Steckler, and Steckler got stuck.
.. All right, you men! Now hear this. I’m the new skipper of this ship! Set the special sea and anchor detail! Stand by to get underway! Leave your quarters! (ALL CLAMORING) (SHIP HORN TOOTS) Say..
. Say, haven’t we met someplace before? Guadalcanal? Iwo Jima? The army-navy game? Wychinski, Sir. Stan Wychinski. I’m your chief boatswain’s mate. We just met on the dock an hour ago. Oh, that’s right.
Uh… Oh, yeah. I’m sorry. (CHUCKLES) I never forget a face. I should’ve known. Say, uh, Chief, um… How long you been in the navy? Over 20 years, Sir. Ten years with the flattops, five years with the battlewagons.
The rest of the time on DEs. Good, ’cause I’d like to ask you a question. What’s that, Sir? Um… How do you back this thing outta here? How do you back this… It’s all right, kid. (LAUGHING) Uh… Uh, I mean, Sir.
If you’ll excuse me, Sir, I have to go aft and load the popsicles on for the snack bar. What’s this? Well, you wanna calibrate the sextant, don’t ya? I have a better idea, Chief. Uh, you calibrate the sextant, and I’ll load the popsicles.
(CHUCKLES) (HORN SOUNDS) Let’s see if we know our business here! This is a dry run! All hands stand by to get underway! (OVER SPEAKERS) You men forward, take in the gangplank. You men aft, lifeboat practice in the starboard lifeboat.
Wait a minute, let’s change that. Men aft, out of the lifeboats! Men forward, stand by. Men aft, take in the gangway. Prepare to get underway! That goes for you two in the engine room.
Sea and anchor detail, snap to it! Forward, aft stations! Men aft, forward stations! No, no, forwards, forward aft! I mean, aft aft, forward forward. You’re still confused! Look, one of us has to run this ship! I’m the leader! I’m the leader? (HORN BLOWING) (HORN SOUNDS) Now hear this! Now hear this! I want a tight ship! I want an efficient ship, ’cause an efficient ship is a happy ship! And a happy ship is a tight ship! And I want everyone to be efficient, happy, and tight! There’ll be no drinking! That’s all! Next stop San Diego! All stations report in? Engines manned and ready? All stations report in.
All engines manned and ready, Sir. Stand by to answer all bells! Stand by to answer all bells. Engines ready to answer all bells, Sir. Right standard rudder! Port engine ahead one-third! Starboard engine back one-third! Right standard rudder, Sir.
Admiral Halsey couldn’t have done it any better. All astern one-third! (HORN BLOWING) (RUMBLING) Oh, I missed the part about takin’ in the lines. We were finally on our way. Ten feet out from Pearl Harbor and only 2,327 miles to the mainland.
My worries were almost over. (CLATTERING) Oh! So there I was in command of the Kornblatt. I was doing everything by the book, and the book was doing fine.
Then on the third day out, I had to take a sight to check our course. Wychinski was waiting in the wheelhouse. Now hear this! Now hear this! (ON INTERCOM) Stand by to change course! 85 degrees left rudder.
(SCREECHING) (WIND HOWLING) Awaiting further orders, Sir. Yeah, yeah, yeah, comin’ up! Ah, there we are. Yeah! 44.5 degrees left rudder! No, make that 44-and-a-third! 62-and-two-fifths, right rudder! Are you sure of your readings, Sir? Diagonal obtuse of signet fo’c’s’le forward mark! That doesn’t sound right to me.
Maybe he knows a shortcut. Oh! (GROANS) (EXCLAIMS) JOHN: We were sailing a straight and true course for San Diego. Well, almost a straight course. I will admit we skidded a few times.
(SCREECHING) Well, things were pretty mixed up for a while. Lucky there wasn’t much traffic. Five days out we spotted land ahead, an island uncharted on any map.
We had just made an important discovery. We were lost. I realized I’d made a boo-boo, so I named our discovery Boo-Boo Island! All engines ahead one-third.
(CRASH) (ALARM BLARING) What happened? I didn’t say stop. I said all engines ahead one-third! That might be a little tough, Sir. You see, we’re on a reef. On a reef? Maybe we ought to radio for help, Sir.
Radio for help? And have a blot on our record? No, Sir, not on your life. We’ll sit right here and wait for that tide to come back in. That’s it. Wait for the tide. Could it have gone very far, the tide? Do you think? Life jacket, Sir.
Life jacket? But the tide didn’t come back. So I decided to investigate the island. Maybe there were people on it, and they could tell us where we were.
(SCREAMING) (BELL RINGING) (BIRDS SQUAWKING) (MONKEYS CHATTERING) It’s awfully quite here, ain’t it? Don’t be scared, Skipper. The war’s over. Come on, Brown. You take the right flank, I’ll take the left flank.
(NERVOUSLY) I’ll wait in the boat for you, fellas. Okay? Fellas? Fellas? (STAMMERING) Fellas? (ANIMAL SOUNDS) Shh! (CLAMORING STOPS) Make some noise, birdies. It’s too quiet. (ANIMAL SOUNDS) After all, what have we got to.
.. (SCREAMING) (GRUNTS) Help! Help! Wychinski! Help! Help! (BIRD LAUGHING) Whoa! Help! Help! (LAUGHING CONTINUES) Wychinski! Help! Help! Help! (BRANCH CRACKING) Help, help! What are you yelling about? I’m the one that’s in trouble.
JOHN: Help! Help! Wychinski! That way, Chief. Well, go ahead, go ahead. Help! (BRANCH CRACKING) Oh! Help! Oh! Thanks, fellas! I never thought you’d get here! Oh, thanks, Wychinski. Thanks, Brown. Wychinski? Brown? (GRUNTS) All right, okay.
Here… Here you are. Here it is. (ROARS) No, you’re making a mistake. (YELLING INDISTINCTLY) You don’t understand! Wait a minute. Will you wait and let… Well, let me explain! You don’t understand! The war is over! Here, nobody’s mad at nobody! (YELLS IN JAPANESE) We’re friends.
You friend, me friend. How. (ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) Wait a minute. What are you charging… (ORDERING IN JAPANESE) (SPEAKING JAPANESE) (NERVOUSLY) What does that mean? Colonel wish to speak to you.
Well, what’s he wanna speak to me? They don’t understand that the war is over. So! Ooh! Ow! American sailor boy. Welcome to island of Nononakasayuma. Well, thank you. It’s a very… You are prisoner of Colonel Genzo Takahashi.
Well, thank you, Colonel, but I don’t like to sound contradictory, but if anybody’s prisoner of anybody, you’re my prisoner. You see, the war is over. Who win? Who win? Well, I hope you don’t get mad, but we win.
Who win American sailor boy? Uh, you win, but haven’t you heard? The war is over. Silence! When war is over, we hear about it. Yeah, but I swear… You lie, American sailor boy. Because you lie, you die! Ooh! Ow! Wait! Ooh! I die? (EXCLAIMING) You’re makin’ a mistake! (SPEAKING JAPANESE) It’s a mistake! The war is over! You shouldn’t kill a person when it’s over! I could swear it came from here.
Wait a minute, here’s some footprints. (WILDLIFE CLAMORING) (GULPS) STAN: Oh, no. BROWN: Poor Steckler. He was only an Ensign, but underneath it, he was a real good Joe. I don’t see his body. Washed out to sea.
He would’ve liked that. (SNIFFS) Let’s go back to the Kornblatt. (DROWSILY) I didn’t lie. I told ’em the war was over, but you gotta stay awake. Oh, I’ll stay awake. I’m just half… Let me just sleep, just half asleep.
One… No, all the way. All right. Oh, I got… Willpower. You gotta have willpower. Strong, be strong. You don’t… Oh… That wasn’t very good willpower. So tired. Noises. (WHISTLING) Noise will keep you from.
.. Fallin’ asleep. Get some… (RATTLING) (WHISTLING) That’ll keep… (SPEAKING JAPANESE) Wake up. Wake up! Wake up! Good morning. Sunrise. Time you die. Before breakfast? All right, all right. Oh! Let me just get.
.. (BONES CRACKING) (INDISTINCT) (MUTTERING) That’s it right here. (SPEAKING JAPANESE) (EXCLAIMING) So, American sailor boy, you show contempt for Japanese firing squad. Oh, no, I don’t. It’s… Just I’m very slee.
.. (YELLING IN JAPANESE) What’s… What’s that? Prepare the prisoner for execution! Wait, the war is… You don’t understand. Hey, just a minute! You’re makin’ a mistake! (ORDERING IN JAPANESE) (YAWNING) (SPEAKING JAPANESE) (RIFLES COCKING) (SNORING) (ORDERING IN JAPANESE) (ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) (SNORING) I cannot kill a man in his sleep! Wake up! Wake up! SOLDIER: Takahashi Taisa! Takahashi Taisa! (SNORING CONTINUES) (READING IN JAPANESE) War is over? Ah! American sailor boy! You are right! War is over! You are right.
Wake up! Wake up! (SNORING) Oh! (GROANS) You right! War is over! You didn’t shoot me? No! Are you gonna? No! We lose. We surrender. We your prisoners! Oh, oh, well, I don’t want any prisoners. Thank you very much.
The Kornblatt! Uh, give my regards to all your friends. Wynch… …inski! (ALL MURMURING INDISTINCTLY) (WILDLIFE CLAMORING) My ship! Where’s my ship? Colonel Takahashi! COLONEL TAKAHASHI: We are prisoners of American sailor boy.
Colonel Takahashi! Colonel Takahashi! Where’s my ship? Surrender arms to American sailor boy! No… Oh, whoa, whoa! I don’t… I don’t want any guns! Wait… Oh, whoa! I don’t want any arms! Wait! I don’t want.
.. I don’t want any prisoners! I just want… I want my ship! Oh, it’s gotta be around here someplace. Lieutenant. Colonel Takahashi! You’re not Colonel Takahashi. You’re too pretty to be Colonel Takahashi.
(MOTOR STOPS) You’re… Ensign Benson. Was that the last you saw of the Kornblatt? I’m telling the truth, Ensign. I never saw the Kornblatt again. Well, then why did you sign out for her one month later in San Diego? For the simple reason that when I showed up, I was signing papers for three days.
Everything and anything they put in front of me, I was signing. As a matter of fact, I’m still making payments on a Quonset hut in the Aleutians. You signed out for a ship without even knowing she existed? Who cared? The war was over.
The Kornblatt was decommissioned. Don’t you understand? Anyhow, I should have gotten a medal for capturing an entire island all by myself, single-handed! Then when I went back to Pearl Harbor, I heard Wychinski checked her in, in San Diego! There’s no record of that.
There’s no record of it? It’s 7:00. Could I go? My wife is waiting. Run along. We’ll get together in the morning. Wh… What do you think? Do we have a chance? Before we find the Kornblatt, it seems to me we’ll have to come up with a boatswain’s mate named Wychinski.
Yeah, we’ll have to find him. Oh, Lieutenant… Yes? If you get a chance tonight, give this matter some thought, will you? If I’m lucky, I won’t get a chance. (IMITATES BOAT HORN) Well, here we are. And here we go.
I promised I would carry you across the threshold, and I keep my… Promise. Oh, poochie. The key. (STUTTERS) The… In my pock… No, dear, it wouldn’t be there. No? No, try the… No, not here, either.
I’m ticklish, dear. Try down below in that pocket. No, not here, either. Well, the other side. Oh! Do you feel anything there? No. No, it’s not here. Well, just give me your arm, dear, and try the back pocket.
Oh. Oh. That’s it, dear. Oh! Just the back pocket. Do you have it? No, it’s not here, either. Try the other side. Oh! Here it is! Here it is! Oh, wait a minute. Ooh! (GRUNTS) Here it is. You got it? Yes.
Where is it, dear? Here. Well, let me have it, honey. Here. That’s fine. Just try and relax, dear, because… It’ll have… All right. Here we go, dear. I got it now. Well, darling, alone at last. Alone? Oh! Mother! What are you doing here? Well, Prudence called and said you were staying at some navy place.
I thought you’d be delighted to have someone to keep you company. I am. Him. Well, now that you’re here, Mom… And now that we’re here… (STERNLY) Yes? (SIGHS) Here we all are. (FORCED LAUGHTER) Anyone for aspirin? John, you don’t look at all well.
I can’t say married life is agreeing with you. I can’t say it myself. I wouldn’t know! Well! I certainly didn’t mean to barge in on your honeymoon. I’ll just get the hotel to move me to another room for the night.
Oh, no. I’ll do it, Mother. I’ll run right down and I’ll talk to the room clerk. You can phone him. Oh! No, but I don’t mind. Really. The exercise will do me good. I’ll talk to the room clerk myself, and I’ll sign the name so that we’re sure that you have your room.
My head is just a little stuck. I’ll get… The arm. Help me with the arm. There we go. There you are, Lieutenant. Thank you. Across the hall from us? I’m sorry, Sir. It’s all we have. Well, it’s better than having her in the apartment with us.
(CHUCKLES) There he is. Let’s tell him. I hope he don’t go into shock. Thank you. Oh, hi, fellas. You’re a little early. I’m not due at BOQ till midnight. Sorry, Lieutenant. That’s been changed. It’s beddy-bye at 9:00.
Admiral’s orders, Sir. But you don’t understand. My wife is upstairs waiting for me. Yeah, I guess you ought to say good night to her. Mrs. Steckler, please. But why can’t I go up and say good… Hello? Prudence.
.. Guess what? Oh, no! But, ducky-poo, this is our… (FIRMLY) No! You’re navy. Yes. I’m a navy wife. I understand. Good night, darling. (SOBS) They’re taking him away again. (CRYING) Well, what are you crying about, child? I’m here.
Oh! There, there. Mother’ll take care of everything. (WAILING) I can tell you this, Congressman. We’re making remarkable progress. Remarkable. As soon as we’ve processed certain incontrovertible facts and eliminate all dubious inconsistencies, we’ll be able to arrive at an inescapable conclusion.
In other words, you’re right back where you started from. Well, uh, you might put it that way. I’ll see you at the hearing. Ensign Benson, Sir. Hello? Hello? Hello? She’s here, Sir. Oh? Oh! Why aren’t you out finding the Kornblatt? Well, uh, as a matter of fact, Sir, we’re making remarkable progress, and we’re now in possession of certain incontrovertible facts that eliminate all dubious possibilities.
.. Oh, please. I’ve already been through all that. So, you don’t know where it is, huh? Well, no. But we know where it isn’t. Oh, great. This man is the shrewdest, cleverest undercover agent we’ve ever been up against.
But, Sir, I think he’s too dumb to be that smart to play it that stupid. Say that again. What I mean is, his story is just too fantastic not to be true. I believe him. Ensign Benson, I don’t have to remind you what’s at stake here.
Navy pride, navy honor, navy appropriations, four billion dollars, man. That’s real navy! For you, Ensign. For me? Excuse me, Sir. Something just came in. You found the Kornblatt? No, but we found Wychinski.
Oh, great. Who’s he? Well, according to Steckler, he’s the man who brought the Kornblatt into port. We’ve located him in Miami, Florida, care of the Starlight Grove. You and Steckler take my plane.
Contact him at once. Well, get moving. Aye, aye, Sir. I’ll have the shore patrol pick up Steckler, Sir. Excuse me! (PEOPLE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) Sorry. Excuse me. I beg your pardon. Excuse me, please.
(STAMMERING) Uh, my key. The… I can’t remember the room. What room is my key in? Uh, 1105, Lieutenant. Yes… But you don’t need a key. I believe Mrs. Steckler’s waiting for you. Oh, she is? Oh, thank you.
Thank you very much. MAN: Hey! (CRASH) Yes? I brought you the wrinkly cream, Mother. Come on in. MAN 2: Hey, what’s the matter with you? What are you doing? (PANTING) Prudence! John! (BREATHING HEAVILY) Sweetheart.
Darling! Baby face. Angel. Lovey doll. Oh, honey! Poochie. Pie! Not again! Sorry, Sir. Admiral’s orders. Yeah? Well, I’m comin’ through! No, I’m not going! I’m not going! I’m not going! Gone! (PEOPLE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) That’s him! That’s Wychinski! Come on! (CROWD JEERING) Hey, Wychinski! (GROWLING) You! It’s you! Yeah, remember me? John Paul Steckler.
The seventh. I thought you were dead! (STUTTERS) I wish I was. We’d like to talk to you. Oh, sure. Yeah, anytime, Lieutenant. Excuse me. (EXCLAIMS) Stan… (PANTING) Now… What’s on your mind, pal? Well, Stan, there are some questions that only you can answer, you see.
Now, first of all… Excuse me. (GRUNTS) Oh! (CROWD JEERING) Let me have the rope, will you, pal? Oh, yeah. Here you are. Thanks a lot. Now… You sure you ain’t dead? I mean, what’s… What can I do for you? Mr.
Wychinski, we’re trying to find a destroyer escort, the USS Kornblatt. Yeah, do you remember, Stan… (YELLS) Stan! Wychinski! We just want to find if you remember… Stan! Stan! We wanna know if you remember.
(GRUNTS) (PEOPLE SCREAMING) Hey, Stan, uh, you remember the Kornblatt, don’t you? Remember it? How could I forget it? Watch it, will you? I’m talkin’ to my friend. Excuse me. Ooh! (STRAINED) Excuse me! Wait! Wait! Wychinski! Wait.
.. Wait! Wychinski! Wychinski… Listen! Wychinski! Do you remember signing all the decommissioning papers? I think so! Well, Wychinski, the big question is who did you sign the Kornblatt over to? Wychinski, who did you.
.. (GROANS) Now I remember. We turned the ship over to a Lieutenant JG. Yeah, what was his name? Come on, Wychinski! I forget. Hit him again. (GRUNTS) Oh… Hey, watch it! That hurt! (BOTH GRUNTING) Whose side are you on, anyhow? I’m on your side, Stan.
I was just telling… Wait a minute! I just remembered! He remembers! Yeah? Go ahead! Wait, he’s remembered! Uh… All right. Who? You said you remembered. Now I forgot again! He had it. He had it, and you made him forget.
.. (SCREAMING) Oh, John! John! Oof! (CROWD CLAMORING) WOMAN: Oh! (CROWD CHEERING) (WIND HOWLING) Well, looks like a bad one. The weather boys say it’s gonna get worse. Not a chance, huh? No. I’m afraid you’re grounded, Lieutenant.
Grounded? What for? It’s a beautiful night out. There isn’t a cloud in the sky. Oh, there’s a little breeze. Uh, it’s wet and damp a little, but I just gotta get to Washington tonight. Isn’t there any way.
.. No, not in the air. Not in the air. Well, there is a train leaving from downtown in about, uh, oh, 40 minutes. It’s generally pretty jammed, though. Can you try to get us on it? Oh, sure thing. Uh, Peggy, see what you can do about getting them on the train.
Yes, Sir. Uh, I’d like to call my wife. May I use your phone? Sure, go ahead. Thank you. Hello. Operator… I’d like to phone Washington DC, please. (PHONE RINGING) WOMAN: Mrs. Steckler? Yes, this is Mrs.
Steckler. WOMAN: Mr. Steckler calling. Oh, put him on. John, I just knew you’d get away from Bachelor Quarters. I never got to Bachelor Quarters, dear. Where are you? Florida. Florida! And I had Mother move into another room.
Honey, I can’t… There’s a slight hurricane here. A hurricane. They’re trying to get Benson and me out on the train tonight. You’re all set, Lieutenant. Oh, did you hear that, dear? I’m all set. You got the last available accommodations.
Oh, that’s swell. Thank you. You and the Ensign will be sharing a bedroom. Fine. Honey, Benson and I’ll be sharing… What? Benson and I? But Benson’s a… Hello? Hello, Prudence? Prudence, you still there, dear? Honey, can you hear me? Why can’t you share a bedroom with Benson? (JIGGLES BUTTON) Hello? Hello, Operator? OPERATOR: I’m sorry, madam.
Your party’s been disconnected. My party never got started! Hello, Operator? Operator? Prudence? She hung up on me. Hel… No, she didn’t. Look. All the wires are down. You can explain it all to her tomorrow.
Right now we’ve got a train to catch. Here, Lieutenant, take these. You’ll need them. Thank you. Thank you. We’ll send ’em back to you all pressed when we’re through using ’em. What’s the matter, Lieutenant? Can’t you sleep? Oh, yeah.
I’m waiting till she’s undressed. Just married? Uh-huh. Oh, yeah, but, I mean, no. You don’t understand. Count to three, John, then you can come in. (CHUCKLING) (MOUTHING) One, two, three. I think I better go out and count some more.
Get to bed, Lieutenant. Here! Don’t be so concerned. We’re navy men. Okay. (CLEARS THROAT) (RUMBLING) (BENSON LAUGHING) Ensign Benson? Yeah? I never thought I’d be sharing a bedroom with you. Uh, I mean.
.. I know what you mean. Gee, and I had everything perfectly arranged. I was gonna spend the night with Prudence. That’s my wife. I know. Well, cheer up. You’ll be back with Prudence in the morning. You know what’s strange? Here I am in my shorts.
.. That is strange. No, what I mean is here I am in my shorts with you before I’m in my shorts with her. What? Ooh! (LAUGHING) Oh, I’m sorry! (STAMMERING) I’m trying to explain. See… Oh, never mind, John.
Just hurry up and get into bed. Well, that’s what I mean. See, here I am hearing you say that before I ever heard her say it. You mean you never… Never. It just isn’t fair, to have this happen to a sweet, decent guy like you.
I’m not so sweet, and I’m not so decent. But I am human… And I’ve taken just about all I can stand. Now, remember, John. We’re navy men. Do you know what I have on my mind? Navy men. Do you know what I would like to do? What? I would like to just walk into that hearing and tell ’em all to go jump in a lake! (LAUGHING) What’s so funny? Nothing.
Nothing, really. You know something, mister? Your wife is a very, very lucky girl. Now go to bed. (CONTINUES LAUGHING) (YELLING) (HORN BLOWING) (BUZZER RINGS) MAN: 7:00, folks. One hour to Washington.
John. (GRUNTS) John! Yeah, Prudence. I’m up. I’m up. It’s 7:00, John. 7:00. Okay, Prudence. 7:00. I’m up. She’s not Prudence! (LAUGHING) Oh, never mind. Here it is. I’ve got it. Ducky-poo! Prudence! (NERVOUSLY) Mom! Well, this is a pleasant surprise.
I didn’t think you’d get up this early. I haven’t been able to sleep a wink since you left. So you really were in Florida. Well, of course. What did you think? John, I think the first thing we should.
.. Oh, this must be Prudence and her mother. It must? I mean, it must. Uh, it is. Well, John, aren’t you going to introduce us to the lovely lady? Oh, she’s not a lovely lady. She’s an Ensign. She’s Ensign Benson? Why, yes, sweetheart.
This is the ensign that was working on me. I mean, I was working on her. What I mean is, we were working together. Well, it hasn’t all been drudgery, has it? So you’re Ensign Benson. John has told me so.
.. So nothing about you. Well, he’s told me a lot about you, and he’ll be all yours before long. I’ll phone our report in to Admiral Bludde. What has she got? A twitch? Why does she keep winking? Oh, honey, she’s just being friendly, that’s all.
She’s a good guy, that Benson. Well, (CLEARS THROAT) what do you say we go have some breakfast? Goodbye, Lieutenant. It certainly has been a pleasure having you and the missus aboard. Missus? You mean you two actually did share a bedroom? Sweetheart, let me explain.
It was the only accommodation we could get. Don’t you understand? This is a top military project. We just… Oh! When I close my eyes I can see your father standing here, but he never told me a pip like this.
John, how could you? It wasn’t easy! I’ve heard quite enough, Prudence. I’m going back to Akron. Oh! And I’m going with you! Prudence, she was in a lower. I was in an upper. I swear! John, something terrible has.
.. Has happened. You’re… You’re tellin’ me. Congressman Mandeville has found out that the Admiral’s been hiding you from him, and he’s as mad as a hornet. He’s moved the hearing up to today, 10:00 a.
m. Come on! Oh, what more could happen? What more? (YELLING) Now, son… I’m taking Ensign Benson’s word on your character. Now, don’t worry. I’ll stick by you. Oh, thank you very much, Sir. But it’s not gonna do you any good.
No? Mandeville’s out for your blood. During the war he never got higher than ship’s cook, third class, and he’ll never forget it. (BUZZER RINGING) We’d better get inside, Sir. Uh, Lieutenant, one last briefing.
Yes, Sir. When you face the committee, whatever you do, don’t get flustered and don’t panic. Uh, no, Sir, I won’t. I can handle it. I won’t pluster or fanic. Easy, son. Face it like a man. Remember, you’re navy.
Yes, Sir, I’m mavy, and I won’t pluster or fanic. How do you say that? It’s simple. Pluster or fanic. Fanic or plust… (SIGHS) Never mind how you say it. Just don’t. No, I won’t, Sir. Let’s get in there.
(SIGHS) Good luck, John. Keep a stiff upper lip. Yeah, I will. I can’t talk too good that way, but if that’s the way you want it… I’m sorry, but the key isn’t here. Have you called the room? I called the room, and there’s no answer.
I’m tellin’ ya, I gotta talk to Mrs. Steckler! (PHONE RINGING) Pardon me a moment. Mother, I know I’m making the wrong decision. John loves me. If he did, he’d have followed you here. There she is now with her mother.
Oh, thanks a lot. Mrs. Steckler? Yes? Phew. I’m Stan Wychinski. I was with your husband on the ship that’s missing. The Kornblatt? Uh, yes, ma’am. That’s what he came down to Florida to see me about.
Then it was navy business. Oh, you bet. Only last night I couldn’t remember where it was, and then when I did remember, he had left. So I beat it up here, and now they won’t let me in at the hearing. What hearing? Down at the capitol.
I figured you’re his wife, so you could get a message to him, you see? A message about what? The Kornblatt. I think I know where it is. Mr. Wychinski, you’re a doll. Come on. Oh, the side door.
This way. The hearing will come to order. First I would like to point out that this is not a trial nor a court-martial. It is merely an investigation into the mysterious disappearance of a United States naval vessel.
.. A destroyer escort. Or was it subversion? Espionage? A foreign agent threatening our nation’s security? I ask you, is that the face of an honest man? I ask you. I ask you. That is what we are here to find out in free and democratic process.
Do you want to come clean, Lieutenant? (BALLS CLACKING) (TIRES SCREECHING) Gentlemen, I’m convinced that Lieutenant Steckler is telling the truth, and that he’s just the victim of unfortunate circumstances.
Miss Benson, are you quite sure this is the navy officer talking and not the woman? Yes, Sir! Isn’t it true that you and Lieutenant Steckler shared a compartment coming back from Florida? (CLATTERING) BENSON: Well, yes, but what’s that got to do.
.. That will be all, Miss Benson. (BALLS CLACKING) I promise you, Admiral, I won’t rest till I see this man Steckler behind bars. (CLACKING CONTINUES) Get rid of those things! They’re driving me crazy! (CLATTERING) That’s the way the ball bounces.
(LAUGHING) This is no laughing matter, young man. I want the United States protected from your kind of criminal negligence! Now see here, Congressman, Lieutenant Steckler is a naval officer, and I want him treated as a naval officer! (PEOPLE MURMURING) I’m sorry.
This is a closed hearing. If the chief himself hadn’t ordered me to cooperate with this committee, I’d have hung up on your very first phone call. Don’t take my part, Sir. Are you sure that’s where the Kornblatt is? Well.
.. I think I’m sure. I mean… What’s the difference? What have we got to lose? It’s a long shot. A… A gamble. But you’re right. What have we got to lose? I’ll see if I can get an adjournment. Good deal.
I consider it my sacred duty to dig through all the lies and evasion until I get the truth! (CLAMORING) Now look… (INAUDIBLE) Congressman, I’d like to request an adjournment for 48 hours. Prudence! Where are you going? Oh, it’s my wife.
You see, we had a fight this morning… MANDEVILLE: Who let those people in here? (POUNDING GAVEL) You want the Kornblatt, don’t you? Give us an adjournment for 48 hours. (SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) Forget it! Forget it! Forget it! Shake her hand.
I’m sorry I asked. Hearing adjourned for 48 hours. (SCREAMS) Oh! Oh, no! (SCREAMING) All I remember is this Lieutenant JG says to me, “They’ll be using the old girl for target practice. “She’s going to a watery grave.
” Yeah, well, according to these old bombing records, we ought to be right in the area. Uh, say, Coxswain, head due west. East? (STAMMERING) Uh, I meant east. Even if we do find the ship down there, we still need evidence it’s the Kornblatt.
Uh-huh. (MUFFLED) Help! I’m drowning! Stan! Help! (SCREAMING) Get me out! Get me out! What are you doing with your head down there? Get your head out of there! Get your head out of there! (GRUNTING) (GRUNTS) (MUFFLED) You.
.. Are… Nuts! (INAUDIBLE) (BUBBLES POPPING) (GROANING) (SCREAMING) Wow! The Kornblatt! (INAUDIBLE) You tapped my shoulder. Back to work! Okay. Now wait a minute! None of that! None of that! Oh, no, no, no! (SCREAMING) (BELL CLANKING) Turn around! Turn around! Octopus! Octopus! Turn around! Turn around! Turn around! Turn! (INDISTINCT) (SCREAMING) (BELL CLANKING) BENSON: And I submit this bell, gentlemen, as definite proof that the Kornblatt has been found.
(ALL MURMURING) Yes, it’s all beginning to come back to me now. Congressman, may I borrow your phone for a moment? Oh, certainly. I think the Chief himself might know something about this. Admiral Bludde priority number 3-2-0.
Put me through to the Chief. Chief? Lieutenant Steckler came through. We found the Kornblatt. (CHUCKLING) Well, right where you left it, Sir, the deep six. Chief, weren’t you in charge of that joint gunnery operation some years back? Yes, I thought so.
What’s that? Yes, Sir, just a moment. Lieutenant? Yes, Sir. He wants to talk to you. Me? The Chief? (CLEARS THROAT) How do you do, Sir? Lieutenant John Paul Steckler VII on this end. How’s everything on your end? Lieutenant.
.. Oh, he’s laughing, Sir. Uh, yes. What’s on your mind, Sir? Yes, Sir. Mandeville was? He really was? He was what? I was what? Well, yes, that is. That’s quite amusing, Sir. Yes. Uh… Uh… More or less, as they say, rib-tickling.
(LAUGHING) Yes, Sir. Well, my very best to the family. Yes, Sir. Goodbye. And you, Congressman… Yes? Yes? When you were in charge of the emergency crash committee in ’46, you told the Chief to take just any old ship and use it for target practice and blow it up and hang the red tape.
(NERVOUSLY) Well, uh, yes. Now that you mention it, I did say something like that, didn’t I? (CHUCKLING) Now, we wouldn’t want this to get out into the press, now, would we? Oh, no! Oh, no! And we don’t want to cut navy appropriations either, do we? Never.
Oh, say, by the way, Admiral, uh, do you think four billion is enough? Plenty, Lieutenant, plenty. Why don’t we just tack on another mil for… Contingency? (ALL LAUGHING) Of course. Of course. Uh, the hearing is adjourned.
Ooh. (FORCED CHUCKLING) Careful. (LAUGHING) (SCREAMING) Congratulations! (SCREAMING) Oh! I’m sorry! (GROANING) Darling! Oh… Sweetie face. Poochie pie. Here’s the moment we’ve been waiting for. (KNOCKING ON DOOR) Oh, no! Don’t you worry, honey.
Nobody’s going to stop us this time. (POUNDING ON DOOR) I guarantee you. Not you guys again! Uh-huh. Just want you to know that the navy always takes care of its own. Sweetheart. Darling. Champagne and caviar and pheasant under glass.
PRUDENCE: Wait till you see the dessert. (JOHN IMITATES HORN)